A Godly Man or a Counterfeit? These 5 Qualities Will Help You Know the Difference!

We usually associate open doors as something that is from God and closed doors as something from the devil – but that isn’t always the case! This is why we need to have discernment. Having a good understanding of God’s Word along with discernment is the key to distinguishing if something is from God or if it’s actually a counterfeit from the enemy.

So what exactly is a counterfeit? When you think of the word ‘counterfeit’ you probably think of fake money or perhaps you picture a knock off designer bag or other replicas – whatever the case we can agree that a counterfeit either has no value or it is a copy that is worth significantly less than the original. Well, the same applies to our relationships. 2 Corinthians 11:14 tells us that “even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.” Since we know that the enemy is a master of disguise and deceit we can understand how he operates. The devil’s plan is to send you someone that looks exactly like your preference but is actually a counterfeit that essentially has no value for your God-given purpose. A counterfeit can resemble and almost look identical to the real product, however, once you put it to the test you will quickly notice that its value is no match to the real thing.

Now let’s be real, in the beginning it can can be hard to distinguish a God-sent from a counterfeit. This is because the enemy already knows your preference and he can send you a distraction gift wrapped as your present. So, without further adieu, here are 5 qualities that will help you spot the difference.

1. A Godly Man is Gentle

Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. - Matthew 11:29

Society will try to convince you that gentleness is a sign of weakness or lack of power, but the truth is that the strongest men are gentle. Why? Gentleness doesn’t mean lacking strength or “manliness” but the exact opposite! Gentleness is not a “lack of ability” but rather an added ability to use one’s strength and power for good and the benefit of others.

What does gentleness look like? Here are just a few examples:

• Is careful to choose his words wisely so as not to sinfully offend (is not tactless, rude, abrupt, quick to put down or criticize)
• Speaks the truth with gentleness, love and respect (not quick to anger when someone doesn’t agree or see eye to eye)
• Does not insist on only having his way (Philippians 2:3)
• Shows empathy, even when they may not agree they still acknowledge the other person’s point of view/ is understanding of their feelings
• Make allowances for other’s faults (Ephesians 4:2)
• Is constantly seeking peace and has a calm presence

There is a strong correlation in the Bible between gentleness and the words we use. There are many scriptures in the Bible that prove to us that gentleness (gentle words) turn away wrath and how the power of our words can either be life-giving and diffuse a tense situation or it can cause havoc and chaos in a household. Gentleness is all about showing complete respect and care for others by the way we speak and act.

A counterfeit won’t care too much about the way they treat you, speak towards you and the tone they use. Their language will often put you down, make you feel less than and uncomfortable if you don’t agree with them, they won’t make room for your mistakes (quick to get angry, slow to forgive) and will often speak in a tactless or condescending manner.

Pay attention to what you feel like after spending time with someone.

2. He Desires to Please God

So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please Him.  
- 2 Corinthians 5:9

It’s easy to do the honorable thing and be good when people are looking. However, someone that desires to please God will continue doing so even when nobody is watching. Nobody is perfect, but by being honest and open to God about our weaknesses we allow Him to help us overcome them. Seeking to please God means putting Him first in everything. Everything. From big decisions like “Should I continue trying to pursue a relationship with this person?” or “Should I move to that new city and start that business?” to even what may seem like much smaller things – God wants to be involved in every aspect of your daily life (not just the seemingly big decisions). After all, that’s what a relationship should look like.

So be observant. Once again, nobody is perfect and we will make mistakes, but is he making an effort to please God in his life and pursue righteousness (1 Timothy 6: 11-12)? Living a life that is pleasing to God will require self-control and often times sacrificing your own desires for others or for what God is calling you to do.

If his only concern is himself and his desires and he has no problem making plans without God… Red flag!

Many problems can be avoided if we would make seeking God first a priority and not our last resort. A real man will know He needs to put God first because He has to follow God in order to lead his lady.

3. Hardworking

"In all the work you are doing, work the best you can. Work as if you were doing it for the Lord, not for people." - Colossians 3:23

There is a great quote which says “A working Christian is a reflection of a working God who created the universe and is still at work in our lives. As believers we should not be slothful. We are to do honest work and be hardworking in all we do. We should work with excellence and righteousness because we are a representation of God. Always remember when you are at work that you are working for the Lord and not man.”

Someone that doesn’t care to make an effort in their work will eventually respond in the same way in their relationships. I also want to stress that hardworking doesn’t just apply to the work place but rather in all aspects of life. A hardworking man is not sluggish or lazy, he shows initiative, is dependable and quick to action. He knows the responsibility that comes with being a leader in the family and he shows diligence each day by getting up and doing his best with what is expected from him. Since he puts God first, God will reward his diligence and effort and he will be prosperous and see great results.

The opposite of hardworking is clearly laziness. However, this goes far beyond not making his bed in the morning, not going the extra mile or delaying tasks that need to get done. You can expect a man that is lazy in his job, priorities, his goals and tasks to eventually become emotionally lazy in your relationship too! Be careful if he has an excuse for everything. Unlike a hardworking man, a man that is lazy will give you every reason in the book as to why he can’t, won’t or shouldn’t do something.

4. He is Humble

"Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips." - Proverbs 27:2 

James 4:6 clearly tells us that “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” What does it mean to be humble? Being humble goes beyond not being “flashy” and showing off your material possessions. True humbleness means realizing that we, in our own power, are helpless. We can’t change the course of our life by our own strength and will. Humbleness is recognizing that only through the power of God can we fulfill our purpose.

Society, once again, frowns upon this virtue. As a culture we’ve moved so far from God’s ways that we actually see humility as a sign of weakness that should be avoided. Pride is the obstacle that stands in the way. Think about it: Jesus, who was all-powerful, lived a sinless life and took up the cross for our sins was humble. Christ literally walked this Earth as a humble servant! Yet people today will go to great lengths to avoid admitting they’ve made a mistake let alone that they were wrong about something!

A man that is humble isn’t proud and doesn’t view himself as so high up that he isn’t open to accepting correction. He doesn’t have the mindset that his ways and thoughts are always better than everyone else’s. Don’t mistake a humble man for a people pleaser or someone that is passive and quiet. A humble man is a man of action and zeal and he focuses on pleasing God and keeping His commands.

5. He Consistently Pursues Righteousness

"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 
- 1 Timothy 6: 11-12

A few words to describe righteousness include: goodness, justice, divine holiness, justness, etc. The opposite of righteousness would be self-righteousness which basically means viewing yourself as holier-than-thou or morally superior than everyone else. So how does a man that is consistently pursuing righteousness live his life? Well, he first recognizes that it is impossible to please God in our sinful state (Romans 8:8). As gotquestions.org puts it “We turn from trying to justify ourselves by our good deeds and instead seek the mercy of God.”

You will know that he consistently pursues righteousness if he is consistently pursuing God and being more like Jesus rather than his own fleshly desires and temptations. Jesus tells us that “by their fruit you will recognize them” which means we need to pay attention to what kind of fruit is, for the most part, being displayed in their life. Is he displaying mostly fruits of the spirit such as love, kindness, peace, generosity, faithfulness, self-control, etc. Or, are the fruits that are coming out of his life mostly works of the flesh like selfish ambition, idolatry, hatred, immorality, envy, etc.?

Pride and self-righteousness can’t stand before an all Holy God. Therefore, the more he continues to pursue Jesus the more his heart is humbled to his own sin and shortcomings. Having that humble and believing heart will in turn lead to a lifestyle of righteous action that is pleasing to God.

(BONUS: Here’s another extremely important quality!)

6. He is Dependent on Christ

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” – James 1:5

Ladies, we’ve all heard that the man should be the leader in the family, but if his source isn’t God, then be careful otherwise you’ll be led – but in the wrong direction! Depending on God means fully putting your trust in Him, believing His Word and His promises, knowing He will supply all your needs and having faith in Him even when things don’t seem to be going your way.

The fact of the matter is that our knowledge is limited. God knows infinitely more than our minds can ever comprehend. This is why Proverbs 3: 5-6 tells us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Some men fall victim to this “I trust God but I have this under control. I don’t need God’s help in this situation to make these decisions because I can handle these ones on my own” mentality. This is the mentality that essentially says, “I’ll trust God with some of the decisions but for the most part I’ll handle it on my own.”

Do not entertain a man that does not acknowledge that He needs God’s guidance in every part of life, not just for the big decisions or the small ones, but in every detail of life. Why?

"There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death." - Proverbs 14:12

For a man to be a good and strong leader in the family, he must be dependent on Jesus.

In conclusion…

Of course, there are many more qualities that will separate the God-sent man from the counterfeit, but these are just a few important ones you should keep an eye out for. Most importantly, before you enter into a relationship with someone or commit to a man, make sure you pray for God to reveal to you if this is a relationship He wants you in as well as for God to reveal his true colors to you – and pay attention, because God will do just that!