4 Reasons Why They Keep Coming Back

You know that feeling when you go through a painful break up and, if you’re “extra” or dramatic like me, you probably went to extremes telling yourself things like: “I’ll never see them again, this is it. I’ll never hear from them anymore, I have to forget what their name looks like on my phone now because I won’t be seeing that any longer…” (talk about dramatic, right?)

Meanwhile you are probably also crying yourself to sleep every night wondering if this pain will truly ever go away – yet sure enough, give it some time and you come to find out it does… but have you noticed something strange always seems to happen right after you move on?

All of a sudden – BOOM! The ex reaches out. Most of us have probably been there before. You finally get over them and it’s as if they could sense that because right at that very moment they reach out to you. If you’re not careful to discern why your ex could all of a sudden now be reaching out to you, it can cause you to get stuck in the cycle of heartbreak and pain which will only end up dragging you further away from where God wants to take you. So, here are 4 possible reasons WHY they keep coming back:

1. They Notice You’re Happy Without Them

One possible reason why your ex decided to hit you up out of the blue is because they can see you are doing fine without them – that is a real ego crusher! When you decide to commit yourself to God’s purpose for your life, you’re chasing after your God-given calling, you’re working on bettering the gifts God has given you and becoming an overall better version of yourself – you won’t have time to worry about the person that missed out on all your great qualities!

However, like I said before, this can be a real ego crusher for your ex, especially if they convinced themselves that they were the reason for your happiness because now they are seeing that you are thriving without them. It’s very likely in this case for an ex to reach out in hopes of trying to dictate your emotions. It may not even necessarily be them reaching out because they want to be in a relationship with you again, it can simply be that they’re craving an ego boost from you. For example, they text you: “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you” out of nowhere hoping to get a reply like, “You know I really miss you so much. I’ve been thinking about you too” as that will satisfy their ego.

Just remember: you responding back is an ego boost for them.

2. You’re Doing Better and Have Moved On

Another likely reason for someone to come back to you is when they notice that you are successfully moving on. This can cause them to reach out to you from fear especially if they had you as a back up plan in their mind. This is because you moving on means it will be harder for them to return if need be.

Have you noticed that one of the tactics of the enemy is to send you distractions when you are going back on the right track and the right path that God wants you on? You see, the devil knows that he has no power or control over what God has planned for you and the blessings that are tied to your obedience. However, the enemy’s tactic is to send you a distraction when you are in the right direction to receive that blessing. This is because if you just turn back, if you can just take your focus off of where God is taking you and shift it to all of the “good times” you had with your ex or the “butterflies” you got in your stomach when you saw their name pop up on your phone again – then the devil doesn’t even need to do anything because you’re already fulfilling his plan by getting side tracked.

3. Testing Your Boundaries

This may be a tough pill to swallow, but it is certainly possible that the reason they are trying to come back now is so that they can test your boundaries and limits. Often times people will do this to see if they can leave you and abandon you only to return when it’s convenient for them. This could also be a sign that they want the benefits of being in a relationship with you back because they are not getting those benefits met anywhere else. If you allow someone to be comfortable with coming and going as they please, do not be surprised when they start relying on that and push your boundaries to see how far you are willing to go and compromise for their sake. Don’t just think they are doing this only with you though. If this truly is the case, then you can be confident that they are also trying this with different people too. When the other person doesn’t want to entertain your ex or refuses to give them access, then they will come right back to the person that will always welcome them back because of their lack of boundaries – don’t let that person be you.

4. They’re Bored

It’s possible that they are simply reaching out to you because they feel bored.

^{Side Note: This is a good sign that this person is not walking in their God-given purpose or calling. Constant boredom is a sign that a person has either not yet discovered their calling and isn’t trying to or they are choosing not to walk in it. Either way, you do not want to link yourself up with someone who is content with being bored all the time and only reaches out to you when they have nothing better to do.}

Perhaps they became bored with the person they left you for or the new person they started seeing and are seeking some sort of emotional thrill or excitement… reaching out to an ex or someone they used to talk to and seeing the type of response they will get is a way for them to do just that. You’d be surprised by how many have a mental list of names of people they’ve been with or dated which they will then reference to see who they still have control over emotionally.

The easiest way to tell if this is the case is to look at the patterns. If they are reaching out to you and after you exchange a few texts here and there they all of a sudden seem to vanish or “ghost you” it could have been that they just needed a shot of attention or distraction from boredom. Then, when their love life or busy schedule picks up, they will remove themselves out of the picture once again.

All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Proverbs 14:23

God will not send you someone that is inconsistent and He will certainly not send you someone that is lazy in putting in the effort needed for a healthy relationship. In order to have a relationship that thrives you must be consistent with putting in the hard work it takes. If a person is all talk and no action – RED FLAG! If a person keeps coming back to your life and then goes away after the two of you have talked for a few days and then comes back again, this is a pattern and a sign. It’s a pattern that reveals this person is using you for their own convenience and it’s a sign that God has better for you. Trust God.

In conclusion

There are many possible reasons why this person came back in your life. I am in no way suggesting that it is impossible that they came back because they genuinely regret losing you and are ready to make the right changes moving forward, BUT I am definitely encouraging you not to forget how and why the relationship ended in the first place if you are considering getting back together with someone.

A person can reach out or say they miss you all they want, but if all they’re saying is how much they miss talking to you and how sad they feel, that leaves you with zero information. Those kind of statements don’t show that there has been any advancement or progress since the day you broke up or stopped talking to each other. This is why having discernment is so important.

James 1: 5-8, NLT:

⁵ If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. ⁶ But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

If there is someone that came back into your life and you are still not sure why, ask God to give you wisdom and discernment for this situation. Ask Him to reveal any hidden motives or intentions the person may have. Ask Him to make it clear to you what it is you need to do. Most importantly, seek God and rest in the comfort of knowing that He won’t let you fall.