4 Things To Look For In A Godly Wife

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord

Proverbs 18:22

You’re probably familiar with the scripture in Proverbs 18:22 that says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Let me tell you what this scripture does NOT mean: a man who finds any woman and marries her and she becomes his wife is a good thing. A wife should be a good wife and perform the duty of that relation and title (just as a husband should). Having a good wife is a blessing to a man and will greatly enrich his life. So what exactly should you look for when searching for a future spouse? Here are four important qualities in a Godly wife:

1. She is Trustworthy

I’m sure you’ve heard it said before that trust is one of the most important aspects in a relationship. Well, there is a reason people say this! Trust is absolutely necessary for a relationship to succeed. It’s something that will require you to be vulnerable. Without trust your relationship will result in a series of negative emotions like anxiety, overthinking and jealousy to name a few – before ultimately falling apart. It’s no surprise therefore that in Proverbs 31, a chapter that describes the attributes of a good wife and virtuous woman, it specifically talks about trust in verse 11.

You see if she is being secretive, overly protective of her phone, feels comfortable making little white lies, plays games or tricks to try and make you jealous or your gut feeling (aka the Holy Spirit in you!) is telling you something is not right – run! Run like the wind! A virtuous woman, the woman God has for you, will not desire to play with your mind and emotions or keep secrets from you.

Another thing to consider is does she trust you? Of course trust takes time to build and even longer to repair, but assuming some time passes and you haven’t done anything to break her trust in your relationship, if she still can’t trust you simply because of her own insecurities – that’s a potential red flag to be mindful of. It isn’t healthy if someone is insecure to the point that they need constant validation or they start questioning everything you do because they assume you have ulterior motives. Unlike what Proverbs 31:11 states, this kind of woman will not enrich your life but instead weigh you down.

Of course, if your partner is asking simple questions that will help her to build more trust in your relationship, that’s fine. The issue is when no matter how much positive, encouraging and constructive things you say to help them, they take it as you coming at them and attacking them. So, just as it is important for you to be able to trust her, it is also important for this trust to be mutual in the relationship.

2. She Helps You Become a Better Man

Sure, good looks are great – but they’re also fading. Eventually everyone will grow old and get wrinkles. This is why relationships that are solely based on the foundation of good looks and physical attraction are doomed to fail (Hollywood marriages anyone?). Now I’m in no way saying you shouldn’t be physically attracted to your partner, but I am saying that is much further down the list of things you should look for in your future spouse. What you really should be asking yourself is, “Is she helping me become a better man?”

You want to be with someone who will encourage your growth, be your biggest supporter, take a genuine interest in things that are important to you, pray for you – and most importantly bring you closer to God. The only thing that is strong enough to bond two people together for life is a mutual commitment to God and to each other.

Previous women may have brought out your insecurities, but the woman God has for you will build you up (not tear you down). She will bring value to your relationship. When things go wrong or you make a mistake, she won’t keep reminding you about the times you’ve failed. Instead, she will continue to be your number one supporter and encourage you to not give up and push forward!

She doesn’t make you doubt yourself, question your abilities or feel lesser than, but rather she appreciates you, makes you feel good about yourself and is devoted to bringing out the best in you – and you’ll want to do the same for her! She won’t even really have to do or say anything, but just being with her will make you want to be better. Don’t settle for a woman who looks attractive but only brings you headaches – it’s not worth it.

3. She Respects and Honors You

It’s bad being with a woman who doesn’t respect you and it’s even worse when she respects another man more than you. There is a quote I believe more women should be aware of as it holds much truth and it is “Honor the husband you want him to be.”

You can either pair yourself up to a woman who is pessimistic, meaning she will only see the worst and negative side of things, or you can find a woman who speaks life onto your situation and activates the king on the inside of you! My gut feeling tells me you want the latter.

We all need a voice in our life that won’t strengthen our old self (the person we are apart from Christ; the one that gives into fleshly desires and temptations), but strengthens the person God has called us to be. In many cases it’s true that a man will go to the level of honor that his wife gives him. If a man has a wife who constantly tears him down, focuses on his faults and points out his weaknesses often times he will begin to act like that.

Side Note: This is why it’s so important to know who you are in Christ and have your identity based on Him, otherwise your very preference can be causing you to settle. Sure she may look good, but that doesn’t mean she is good for you or your purpose!

Consider this: if you have a woman speaking destiny into you, speaking to you better than you even think you deserve, wouldn’t that make you want to live up to what she sees in you? How would you feel if she spoke the opposite of that?

The woman God has for you will genuinely speak of your strengths, hold you in high regard, honor your daily decisions, be patient when you make mistakes and will always be appreciative and show thankfulness when you go out of you way to make her feel special and do things for her.

4. A Hard Worker

Do yourself a favor and do not entertain someone who is lazy. Lazy in work, lazy in completing important tasks, lazy in trying to better themselves, etc. because if they are lazy in life they’ll eventually be lazy in your relationship too.

If you have feelings for a woman that has zero motivation or no ambition, that means she isn’t yielding to God’s purpose or calling for her life. Furthermore, dating a woman like that will only hinder and distract you and slow you down from working on the things God has for you! Either you’ll have to slow down significantly so the both of you are walking at the same pace, or the tensions in your relationship will significantly start to increase in time as the two of you continue to go in opposite directions – both of which you don’t want!

The first part of this verse refers to her inspecting a field and purchasing it with her earnings. Notice how it says she inspects the field first? She considers purchasing it. In other words, she is not careless and quick to do some shopping therapy – this tells us a Proverbs 31 woman isn’t just looking for today, but rather she is doing careful planning for the future. She is an investor, not a consumer.

Don’t pair up with a woman who is selfish, superficial and has an all about me mindset. Instead, consider if she is a woman who is careful when it comes to making decisions. Additionally, make sure those decisions will not just be beneficial solely for her, but also for her family and children too.

It continues to say that she is “energetic and strong, a hard worker.” She isn’t someone who is going to wait for someone else to come along to make life easier for her and pay her bills. This kind of woman is a hard worker – she is productive and doesn’t let her resources sit without good use!

A woman that is comfortable with being lazy in life will not change when she is married or has children. That kind of woman will be lazy in taking care of the home, a child and let alone do all of that while having a job as well. Remember: God has NOT called us to laziness.

Not every woman will have these qualities…

Not every woman will have these qualities… which is why it’s important NOT to settle for just any woman to call your wife. It’s far better to wait longer than you wish to find a woman that has those values and qualities, than it is to rush into a relationship due to social pressures. Fear will have you thinking you need to jump into a relationship immediately because “you don’t have much time” or “you’ll be the only one who hasn’t settled and found somebody yet”, but it’s far better to wait on God’s timing than it is to end up getting a divorce or settling for an un-extraordinary, unfruitful and uninspiring marriage.