5 Things To Look For In A Godly Husband

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Ephesians 5:25, NIV

Ladies, this article is dedicated to helping you understand the qualities you should look for in a Godly husband. A man who lives for the world will only drag you further away from God and your purpose, but a true man of God will not waste your time and will push you toward Christ! So what characteristics should you look for in a Godly husband? Here are 5 important qualities:

1. He is a Great Leader

It’s no secret that the Bible states the husband should be the head of the house and we are to submit to our husbands. The husband’s role has always been to be a leader. Now I realize that in this age of feminism and equality, which stresses the importance of being an independent woman and that you don’t “need” a man, etc. that the very idea that we are to submit to our husbands and he is supposed to lead in the family sounds absolutely crazy at best… but, bare with me and I’ll explain what this means and why it’s so important.

First let’s clarify that submitting to your husband does not mean that you are inferior to him. The meaning of this scripture is often taken out of context to suggest that it’s a form of “no matter what” type of obedience or just straight up sexist – but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Women and men have EQUAL worth in Christ. With that being said, women and men are also inherently different. Generally speaking, men have a strong desire and an actual need (not a want, but a need) to be respected and honored by their wives and women have a strong desire and an actual need to feel loved by their husband. This is why Paul essentially tells the husbands to “love” their wives and the wives to “respect” and “submit” to their husbands.

Women are to submit to their husbands as a leader not submit to them as a tyrant or her superior. So how should a man lead? Well, any man can lead you to the bedroom, but it takes a real man to be able to lead his woman and his family in the direction that God desires for them to go. A real man of God will lead by example. He will be an example of what it looks like to walk in love and in faith. He will lead you spiritually and morally. While you are dating this type of man, he will never tempt you to compromise on your morals or purity in any way. Instead, he will value your purity. You won’t feel the need to have to compromise in your relationship with God in order to keep him.

By truly putting God first, he will be able to lead in important decision-making, managing the family, taking the lead in reconciliation after conflicts (an essential part of moral and spiritual leadership) and of course, he will be leading in love – not dictatorship.

2. He Has a Vision & Knows His Purpose

We’ve already established the importance of a man being a strong leader, but how can a man lead his family without a vision or purpose? Having a vision and purpose means he has a plan – a man that lacks this is dangerous. This is a man who can easily start becoming carefree and lazy, lacking motivation and drive, ignoring his family responsibilities all the while drifting away in his relationship with God. I’m not suggesting that he needs to have everything figured out before you date or marry him. I am, however, certainly suggesting that he should at least have a plan for the direction in which he is heading as well as where he wants to lead his future wife and family. If his only plans consist of picking up beer and chips and binge watching Netflix – run far away!

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Genesis 2:18

We are to be a man’s helper, but how can we help someone who doesn’t even know what they need help in? Don’t just settle for a guy that’s nice – understand where it is he is going and where he will be leading you! Before considering a man as your potential future spouse, ask yourself these questions:

• Does he have a God-given vision and purpose he is working towards?
• If not, what steps is he taking in order to discover his purpose and vision?
• Is he being passive or intentional about asking God to reveal these things in his life?

3. Solid Character & Integrity

We’ve discussed how the man is supposed to be a good leader for the family and have a purpose and vision to work towards, but all of that goes to waste if he isn’t a man of integrity! One of the absolute most important qualities in a good leader is that they have integrity.

Integrity: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Another definition of the word includes being trustworthy, always keeping your word and being honest with everyone. Men of integrity have a solid character and are authentic; they do not live behind a mask! They are genuine and not afraid to present their real self on the table. A man who lives his life in honesty and truth will not have you constantly worried about being deceived or wondering if he’s making little white lies.

You might want to steer clear from him if he sees no harm in telling white lies, his words and actions are inconsistent, he is unreliable and speaks ambiguously (by avoiding to tell you details in the beginning it makes it easier for him to lie about it later on).

Proverbs 10:9 NIV: Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.

Proverbs 11:3 NIV: The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.

4. Values Communication

Women need communication. It’s not just something we want, it’s an actual need. Just as a man needs respect and honor from his wife, a woman needs a man that values good communication in the relationship. Now I want to highlight the word “need”, because many of us want certain things in a relationship but a need is very different than simply just wanting something.

Let me explain the difference between a want and a need: A plant needs sun and water to grow, it doesn’t just want it – it actually requires it! The same applies to relationships. There are certain needs a man requires just as there are certain needs a woman requires. If you take away one of those needs then you will not see the full potential in your partner.

You may agree with the fact that we women have a lot more words to say than men do (that was a nice way of saying we talk a lot!)…

Men are wired to fix things. Men want to fix problems, but sometimes us women just desire to communicate how we feel and confide in our partner and have him empathize with us. We don’t always want clear-cut answers, but rather we are looking to see if our partner is actually listening to what we are saying. It’s a good sign if he is able to actively listen to what you’re trying to communicate without interrupting you.

It’s also important to pay attention to how he responds after you finish confiding in him about your feelings. Does he usually reply with one word answers? Does he respond passive-aggressively by doing things such as giving you the silent treatment post-argument? Is he quick to make rash assumptions and imply motives to what you’re saying? Does he belittle your feelings and concerns when you bring up something important to you?

James 1:19 NLT: “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: you must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

Colossians 4:6 NLT: “Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.”

5. Protector: He Makes You Feel Safe

A real man of God will desire to protect you. I’m not only referring to physically protecting you, but also protecting you emotionally and spiritually. This doesn’t mean he is possessive and wants to protect you by micro-managing and controlling everything you do. No. A man who desires to protect you is a man who’s got your back. He is caring and will treat you like something precious to him.

This is a man who desires to make you feel safe. He won’t play with your mind and emotions. A protective man will never try to intentionally hurt you let alone provoke emotions like jealousy from you. He will guard you heart and be gentle and understanding. He will make sacrifices for you, be consistent, loyal and defend you. You might notice it in the little things like him always watching you start your car to make sure it’s running okay, asking for a text when you arrive somewhere, making sure you don’t walk alone at night or even getting the door for you.

John Piper excellently explained this: “If there is a sound downstairs during the night and it might be a burglar, you don’t say to her: ‘This is an egalitarian marriage, so it’s your turn to go check it out. I went last time.’ And I mean that even if your wife has a black belt in karate. After you’ve tried, she may finish off the burglar with one good kick to the solar plexus. But you better be unconscious on the floor, or you’re no man. That’s written on your soul, brother, by God Almighty. Big or little, strong or weak, night or day, you go up against the enemy first. Woe to the husband–and woe to the nation–that send their women to fight their battles.”

Before you say men like this don’t exist…

After reading this article you may be tempted to think, “That all sounds great Jess, but men with all of those qualities just don’t exist.”

That’s a lie. I beg you, do NOT buy into the lie of the enemy. The enemy will try to convince you there are no men left who have Godly leadership, integrity, morals, values, vision, etc. but just because you haven’t met him yet doesn’t mean he’s not out there. No man (or woman!) is perfect. No man will ever be perfect, but believe me when I tell you that there are great Godly men out there who will make an effort, who will value, appreciate and love you and who will do his best to keep progressing in becoming more like Christ. Do not fall into the trap of settling for just any man. Continue to seek God and His will and He will lead you to the man He has for you.