Have You Settled in Your Relationship? (Pay Attention to These 5 Signs!)

How do you know if you have settled in your relationship? Well, simply put, settling in a relationship means you are compromising on your needs and accepting less than you deserve. Of course nobody purposefully makes the conscious decision to settle, but sometimes it’s best to take an honest look at your relationship and be transparent with yourself. So, without further adieu, here are 5 sure signs you have settled in your relationship.

1. They Bring Out The Worst in You

Most of you reading this right now can probably think of a person who brings out the worst in you. I’m talking about a person who whenever you’re around them you somehow slip back into old bad habits. They don’t respect your boundaries, instead, they try to push your boundaries to the limits. For example, they’ll pressure you into drinking when they know you’re trying to stay sober or perhaps you struggle with staying on top of your work tasks – a fact that they are well aware of, but instead of encouraging you to get it done, they’re constantly trying to convince and pressure you to go out instead. When you don’t give in, these people will only see the worst in you and even little things about you will eventually start to annoy them.

Ask yourself: does being around your partner cause you to slip back into old bad habits? Perhaps you tried to stop swearing, but every argument you have with your partner results in the both of you constantly cursing at each other, bringing up old fights and making up accusations for no reason as opposed to making an effort to have productive communication. You know you’re not usually like this, but there’s just something about the way your partner makes you feel that just really makes you lose it.

Of course, we should never get into the practice of blaming our actions on someone else (telling your partner they are the reason they made you swear isn’t going to help the situation!), we should always take responsibility for our wrongdoings, but we should also analyze the situation and see if this is a normal way that you respond in most situations or if this person is truly pushing you to the brink.

2. You’re Holding on to Past Positive Experiences to Justify Staying in the Relationship

Moving on and letting go can be a scary process even if you’re well aware that the person you are with is not the best for you. There is a reason Isaiah 43: 18-19 tells us:

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

When we hold on to all of the past positive memories and experiences it becomes impossible for us to accept reality for what it actually is. The issue is that we put all of these positive moments on a pedestal and let our imaginations run wild. When you become fixated thinking about all the “good times” and romanticizing the past you will inevitably turn a blind eye to all of the reasons this relationship isn’t right for you.

If every time you doubt in your mind that this person truly is God’s best for you, if the only thing keeping you from leaving is the past positive experiences and you are using them to justify staying in the relationship, it might be time to do what Isaiah 43: 18-19 tells us and stop dwelling on the past. Realize that God may be trying to do a new thing in your life, but to do so you’re going to have to let go of the “good old times.” If you feel you might be settling in a relationship but you trust God enough to leave it, I promise you that your obedience will bring you one step closer to your true blessing.

3. Your Growth Isn’t Encouraged

When you submit to God’s calling and purpose for your life you will begin to evolve, but that doesn’t always mean that the people in your life will do the same. We have to be aware and mindful of certain people or relationships in our life that will only drag us down. If the person you are with is completely fine being complacent, remaining in the same spot for years, never feeling the need to grow and mature spiritually, set healthy goals, etc. then that is someone who will most likely slow YOU down from reaching your potential. If they can’t motivate themselves then they certainly won’t be able to help push you towards your purpose either… and if that is the case, then you are most likely settling in your relationship.

Nobody is perfect, no relationship will ever be perfect. However, that being said, a good relationship will consist of both partners encouraging one another’s growth, showing interest in each other’s goals, motivating one another with God’s Word and promises and constantly finding ways to support each other because they realize that they are a team. There should be this attitude that when one person in a relationship succeeds, both succeed. Anything less than this means you are settling for less than God’s best. Sure, there will be times where you may not see eye to eye on certain things, but ultimately your partner should be your biggest supporter for your growth and push you towards your God given calling and purpose!

4. You Don’t Want the Same Things

You’d be surprised by how many people don’t see this as a big issue when they enter into a relationship. The truth is, the sooner you find out where the both of you stand on key factors, the sooner you find out if this is a person even worth investing your time in. Often times people enter into a relationship and remain in it for years only to have major issues down the line when it comes down to both partners wanting different things. The more time passes and the more comfortable you become in your relationship, the likelier it is for a person to accept less than what they originally desired or hoped for in a relationship. Remember: God does not want you to settle.

For example, if one of you wants to have kids within the next few years but the other is adamant about never wanting any children then that is a HUGE thing to take into consideration. Don’t just shrug it off thinking, “Well, I’m sure they’ll just change their mind down the road”. You may both be believers, but just because both of you are Christian does not mean that you are meant for each other. God may have different plans for the both of you and they simply just may not complement each other. For instance, perhaps you feel led to stay in your city and start up a small church whereas your partner feels called to travel abroad and do missionary work and move to a different country. If you feel you have to make compromises for your purpose and calling to be with someone, then that is another sign you are settling in a relationship that is not God’s best for you. That doesn’t mean they are a bad person, it just means they are not the right person for you.

5. You Dismiss the Red Flags

It can be easy to get into the habit of making excuses for settling in a comfort zone relationship. There are several possible reasons as to why we can be dismissive of red flags. Sometimes the reason we do so is because we don’t actually want the truth. We worry that if we were to really find out the truth about our partner then that would mean making big life changes (moving to a new place, changes to your finances, day-to-day lives, etc) so even though we say we want to see a relationship or a person for what it actually is, sometimes that thought alone can be so exhausting that we choose to ignore even the most blatant red flags.

Another possible reason we dismiss red flags is because we convince ourselves our intuition (aka Holy Spirit in you!) is wrong. You can notice your partner being distant, showing signs of disconnection, lack of communication, not taking you seriously or not showing that they value you and still choose to be in denial and convince yourself that those behaviors are just normal and just something that “happens with time” – newsflash: it’s not and you are settling!

It can be challenging to come to terms that you are indeed being dismissive over red flags in your relationship which is why you need to go to God about it! Ask and pray for God to make it clear and evident if this is actually something you have been doing in your relationship. When you ask God to reveal this to you, believe that He actually will! Remember, God is not trying to hide His will from you, He doesn’t want you to be in a relationship that will only end up wasting your precious time.

In conclusion:

If any part of you feels like you are settling in the relationship you are currently in, seek God for clarity. Remember, there is nothing worse than settling for someone who will only distract you from where God wants to take you.